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Issue 31482: Huge amount of goats teleported
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Status:  Fixed
Owner:  thakis@chromium.org
Closed:  Jan 2010
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Reported by hidden.n...@gmail.com, Jan 3, 2010
Chrome Version       : Google Chrome 4.0.266.0 (Official Build 33992)
URLs (if applicable) :
Other browsers tested:
Add OK or FAIL after other browsers where you have tested this issue:
     Safari 4: OK
  Firefox 3.x: OK
         IE 7: OK
         IE 8: OK

What steps will reproduce the problem?
1. Shift+Esc
2. Right click on any process
3. Select "Goats teleported"

What is the expected result?

I expected Google Chrome to teleport maybe three, maximum five goats!

What happens instead?

About 3*10^6 goats get teleported! I won't be able to pay for teleportation 
of such huge amount of goats!

Please provide any additional information below. Attach a screenshot if
possible.

Screenshot attached.
goats_teleported.png
5.0 KB   View   Download
Jan 4, 2010
#1 qwigly...@gmail.com
Confirmed for 4.0.266.0 ubuntu linux 64

After restarting browser, number of teleported goats is reset.
it counts for about 12000 per sec.


Jan 9, 2010
#2 Andzla...@gmail.com
It's not Bug, it's just an Easter Egg than Google has imported to his Chrome.
It's not working @ my Windows XP Home Edition SP3 32bit
May work on some XP versions, Windows 7, & Fully works on Linux (Like Ubuntu...).
May be worked on XP if you Right Click the Task manager gray-alike border (not the 
blue) & not the processes.
(by qwigly...:
After restarting browser, number of teleported goats is reset.
it counts for about 12000 per sec.)
Jan 9, 2010
#3 qwigly...@gmail.com
@Andzlatin.
either bug or egg, but it realy teleports goats too fast.
note, that the teleportation performed even if nobody see it.
i guess on your WinXP the goats teleported anyway.
Jan 11, 2010
#4 phajdan.jr@chromium.org
Ben, could you take a look?
Owner: b...@chromium.org
Cc: phajdan...@chromium.org
Jan 11, 2010
#5 cdib...@google.com
Mare imbrium's goat teleportation station is showing different totals. We might have 
an off by one effort, or a missing goat. 
Jan 11, 2010
#6 mkurt...@gmail.com
Off by one or not, where are the goats ending up?  My goat herd has been slowly
diminishing and I need to recover my loses.  Any help is appreciated. ;-)
Jan 11, 2010
#7 miran.me...@gmail.com
Serious bug! I am switching from Chrome back to Internet Explorer 5;)
Jan 11, 2010
#8 paulo.mi...@gmail.com
Everyone relax, the goats are teleported from and to the same Google Goat Pool, that's 
in closed beta. Soon everyone will be able to teleport in and out every single pool 
via Google Goat Wave pool. ;) but it always starts in linux.. after all penguins hate 
all things goat related :D
Jan 11, 2010
#9 hacker.klever.net
Is there a version of Chrome for the countries where goat teleportation is illegal?
Jan 11, 2010
#10 jordonwii
Umm, dare I ask, but why the heck is there a goats teleported column???
Jan 11, 2010
#11 bdon...@gmail.com
I am concerned about the risk of Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease being transmitted between 
teleported goats. At the speed they are being teleported, one can hardly expect the 
biofilters to be able to keep up with filtering out prions. What precautions have been 
taken to avoid cross-contamination of goat matter streams?
Jan 11, 2010
#13 praetori...@gmail.com
I'm in ur chromiumz, teleporten ur goatz.
Jan 11, 2010
#14 d...@chromium.org
I think this is an example of "convenience over security".  The rate
should be lowered to avoid the risk pointed out in comment #11.

Believe it or not, the teleportation rate used to be higher before the Linux
port.   We should have caught this when we fixed the Linux interface
to the teleporter.

Cc: m...@chromium.org
Labels: Mstone-5
Jan 12, 2010
#16 mdm@chromium.org
The teleportation rate is actually a linear function of the number of tabs you have open. 
Each tab has to teleport a certain number of goats to operate, although as dank points 
out we were able to optimize it during the Linux port and reduce the number of goats 
required. I have some further optimizations in mind if we'd like to reduce it more to 
address the issue mentioned in comment #11.
Jan 12, 2010
#17 apostolo...@gmail.com
What happens if a fly enters the teleportation chamber with one of the goats? We need
a test case for that.
Jan 12, 2010
#18 janssen....@gmail.com
I suppose we should use less GOATO statements in our teleport method
Jan 12, 2010
#19 Gunjan2...@gmail.com
all your goats are belong to us!!! [[Evil laugh]]
Jan 12, 2010
#20 columbus...@gmail.com
Google: "All your goats  are belong to us!"
Jan 12, 2010
#21 servaasg
Here in the Netherlands many goats suffer from Q fever, which can be transmitted to
humans through contaminated dust particles. (see
http://news.google.com/news?q=goats%20q%20fever%20netherlands.) How does this goat
teleportation feature protect Chrome users? Is it safe to use Chrome now?


Jan 12, 2010
#22 aohelin
Confirmed on Debian stable, i686, chromium 4.0.266.0. I'm currently teleporting goats 
using energy stolen from my employer, so that is not an issue. However, there could be 
a long-term effect caused by this bug as witnessed in http://www.google.com/trends?
q=goat. Might be worth double-checking if there is a hash collision or non-atomic 
space allocation bug in the chamber code.


Jan 12, 2010
#23 rui...@gmail.com
I'm sad that my Chrome doesn't have the goat teleportation feature.  Is it possible to 
wear a goat suit and be teleported?  
Jan 12, 2010
#24 cdutc...@gmail.com
Hey.  My office is filled with goats.  Stop it already -- I can't get to my computer and teleport them out.

...


Stop that chewing on my coat ...

Hey...

Help....


Jan 12, 2010
#25 luke.schlather@gmail.com
How is it that Chrome still has these enormous show-stopper bugs on Linux? I'm not
going to introduce this kind of system instability just to get a mild performance
improvement over Firefox. Firefox has *never* teleported an unreasonable amount of
goats. It always keeps it within the acceptable range of my teleporter.
Jan 12, 2010
#26 bdon...@gmail.com
@luke,

This bug is about the excessive teleportation rate. If you are having problems with 
goats being transported beyond the range of your teleporter (with the molecular 
smearing this implies), you should open a separate bug.
Jan 12, 2010
#27 rickos...@gmail.com
This has used up all my physical goat storage and I've had to start using virtual 
goats, leading to excessive goat swapping.
Jan 12, 2010
#28 ont...@gmail.com
Goat_TO is considered harmful.
Jan 12, 2010
#29 smulkerr...@gmail.com
Instead of teleporting insanely huge numbers of goats, would it be possible to 
teleport a single goat an insanely huge number of times? This would allow for the 
requisite number of goat teleportations while only utilising one goat.

Of course the downside to this is that with chromium running a separate process per 
tab, if more than one tab attempted teleportation at the same it could lead to severe 
and unrecoverable goat corruption.

Still there's a lot to be said for serial goat teleportation over parallel.
Jan 12, 2010
#30 hidden.n...@gmail.com
You all can found this funny, but I'm absolutely serious about it. Google accumulating 
huge amount of goats in their hands, the best goats I must say. I suspect that it will 
roll out to wool market as monopolist hurting world economy which potentially lead to 
a new crisis. Besides I think there are potentially thousands ways how Google can use 
our goats for their current marketing efforts, like making fluffy nexus one, or Goat Powered Search.
I wonder if we should take care of it before Google strike first.
Jan 12, 2010
#31 ed.kaise...@gmail.com
Does anyone know where the libraries for the Goat Teleportation API are stored and
what API calls I need to make in order to add a Goat Teleportation Widget to my
Android phone? And does anyone know if Google plans on adding Narhwal teleportation
anytime soon?
Jan 12, 2010
#32 luke.schlather@gmail.com
@bdonlan, I meant the range number of goats my teleporter can handle (which is I
think 4-1024), not the distance, which generally shouldn't be under the browser's
control anyway. In my experience, the routers shouldn't have any trouble transporting
goats over an arbitrary distance, provided there is space in the buffer. And that's
precisely the issue you'll run into with this little mess. 
Jan 12, 2010
#34 montyphy...@gmail.com
Does Obama know about this?
Jan 12, 2010
#35 clintandrewhall
Are we taking goat reproduction into account?  What IS the gestation period for a kid?  
Honestly, we could be facing an exponential increase the number of goats via natural 
circumstances, hence the need to teleport larger and larger numbers of them...

If so, you should reassign this bug to animal control...?
Jan 12, 2010
#36 mttra...@gmail.com
Goat teleportation is serious business.  Have we really considered the ramifications of 
what's going on here?
Jan 12, 2010
#37 SubmitTo...@gmail.com
Plz send me the goates
Jan 12, 2010
#38 nathan.d...@gmail.com
Good news! in build 35990, this is solved!
Jan 12, 2010
#39 rickos...@gmail.com
Are Google's Heisenberg compensators goat-specific, or should they work with 
teleporting any life form?
Jan 12, 2010
#40 sean.mc...@gmail.com
What are ewe guys bleating about?
Jan 12, 2010
#41 zwaldow...@gmail.com
Awe, damn, still another feature unimplemented on Mac OS X.
Jan 12, 2010
#42 ivan.kanak
I'm sure a goat among them divided by zero, damn!


2010-01-12_509x270_scrot.png
403 KB   View   Download
Jan 12, 2010
#43 johnfxcl...@gmail.com
hmm... similar to goat.se?
Jan 12, 2010
#44 bigpresh@gmail.com
@sean mc.rae (#40):

Wrong animal!  I bet ewe feel sheepish now? :)
Jan 12, 2010
#45 bearonth...@gmail.com
EVERYONE PLEASE STOP USING CHROME!

I AM ON THE OTHER END OF THE GOAT TRANSPORTER AND THE SITUATION IS 
BECOMING DIRE
Jan 12, 2010
#46 chrisut...@gmail.com
i knew it...google is experimenting with asgard technology!
Jan 12, 2010
#47 cabala...@gmail.com
If Chromium keeps molesting goats, will it be forced to marry one?
Jan 12, 2010
#48 BruceCoh...@gmail.com
On MacOS 10.6 restartling the browser resets the goat count appropriately. But even a
few startled goats can be a problem.
Jan 12, 2010
#49 ccr...@gmail.com
It's unfortunate that things have come to this.  I've informed PETA of your animal 
rights violations and look forward to the next clothes off campaign in protest of 
your barbaric acts.
Jan 12, 2010
#50 tehsuse...@gmail.com
#46 Goats are the 6th race!
Jan 12, 2010
#51 Gerd.Fl...@gmail.com
The uproar is bound to be great when a bunch of upset goats campaign with their 
clothes off. 

Jan 12, 2010
#52 dcd...@gmail.com
Seriously disappointed that I do not show a goat teleportation count under XP.  Feature 
parity is key.
Jan 12, 2010
#53 livevide...@gmail.com
Alright this goat that just showed up has been sodomized. Who did it?
Jan 12, 2010
#54 nicholas...@gmail.com
RE: bearontheroof's problem: you should be able to run the goat teleportation in reverse, provided you have at 
least three sheep on your property. This should temporarily teleport the goats to a safe location while the bug is 
dealt with.

Hope that helped.
Jan 12, 2010
#55 tim.in...@gmail.com
Developers should know better than to use a GET request for teleportation.
Jan 12, 2010
#57 cg.wowus.cg
This must be part of a secret Google plan branding all animals (starting with goats)
with AdWords.
Jan 12, 2010
#58 matt.cau...@gmail.com
I don't see any license information about the teleporter.  Will this functionality be backported to the 
mainline kernel tree?

Jan 12, 2010
#59 milky...@gmail.com
I think this is a high priority! I use teleport a lot myself to travel. Unable to teleport goat in an atomic transaction 
fails!
Jan 12, 2010
#60 alex.elt...@gmail.com
I belive this has something to do with the goats for Africa campaign:
http://www.farmafricapresents.org.uk/buy/item/2
Jan 12, 2010
#61 talktove...@gmail.com
I think this is why Google teleporting goats! - 
http://googleblog.blogspot.com/2009/05/mowing-with-goats.html 


Jan 12, 2010
#62 jasenweb...@gmail.com
Where exactly does the goat transport layer fit into the OSI model?

I believe it uses GTP (Goat Transport Protocol) to teleport the goats.  Now I just
need to figure out what port GTP uses so I can open it up in the firewall.  ;)

Now my only concern is spammers spamming people with teleported goats.  Also, how is
the goat affected when teleported to an invalid address?  Does the bounceback hurt
the goat?  
Jan 12, 2010
#63 jonsde...@gmail.com
I had a power outage in the middle of a goat teleportation, and upon restoring power I 
attempted to complete the process.  However, rather than continuing from where it left 
off,the GET request started from the beginning again and now my client has a goat with 
two heads and six legs.  I was hoping she would be happy with getting a little more 
goat than she had ordered, but apparently the extra head isn't attached in a flattering 
manner.  Will implementing IPv6 allow for resuming an interrupted request?
Jan 12, 2010
#64 phajdan.jr@chromium.org
Escaping, too many goats!
Cc: -phajdan...@chromium.org
Jan 13, 2010
#65 m.kre...@gmail.com
Which teleportation principle are you using? Do you use quantum teleportation (based
on quantum entanglement)? If so, ho did you measure wave function of macroscopic
object like whole goat and overcome quantum decoherence?

Or do you use spacetime metric engineering? If so, which type of wormhole are you
creating, Morris-Thorne wormhole or Visser wormhole? And how did you obtained amount
of negative energy equivalent to Jupiter mass needed to stabilize wormhole throat?

And last but not least, is this some secret Google's plan for world domination?
Jan 13, 2010
#66 badpazzword@gmail.com
Chromium is Open Source. I suggest you check the source to answer your questions, 
m.krenek.

Alternatively you can attach strace to one of the chromium processes and watch for 
writes and reads on /dev/*tt* (teleporter transceiver). 
Jan 13, 2010
#67 jan.bene...@gmail.com
Czech translation is bad, use word for shheps, not fro goats, please fix.
Jan 13, 2010
#68 Viktor.W...@gmail.com
http://imgur.com/AIaVL.jpg
teleportgoat.jpg
144 KB   View   Download
Jan 13, 2010
#70 nep...@gmail.com
1) Run Google Chrome
2) Teleport some goats
3) ...
4) PROFIIIT!
Jan 13, 2010
#71 mpsteven...@gmail.com
Don't understand the proposal in comment 70 - what is step 3?
Jan 13, 2010
#72 luke.schlather@gmail.com
In reply to comment 67, please file another bug to get a properly localized string
for goat.
Jan 13, 2010
#73 barryhar...@gmail.com
We've only got one guy using Chrome here, everyone else uses Firefox and yet the 
office is still full of these damn goats wandering around all over the place.
Anyone got any suggestions how we can blame the problem on Microsoft and ship this 
lot straight to Redmond !?
Jan 13, 2010
#74 kevinbo...@gmail.com
The issue isn't the teleportation of goats or how it's done.. they're sent from
somewhere at Google, to your browser, and right back again.  But with such quantity
of goats making that round trip through your browser the following consequences may
occur:
1) The goats do not stay in your browser long enough to efficiently eat unused items
in memory resulting in possible memory leaks.
2) Bandwidth concerns.. these goats aren't small.
3) Goat hair will more quickly accumulate and clog your interweb.  (This could be
avoided by calling shave_goat() but could introduce other problems and does not
address the bigger issue).

Pleeeease get this fixed soon... I'm allergic to goat hair. thx
Jan 13, 2010
#75 mahakar...@gmail.com
@comment71

it's the gnome-interface for goat teleportation
Jan 13, 2010
#76 iam...@gmail.com
I think there is a huge goat leak somewhere. If I leave Chrome open for an extended 
period of time, the number of goats being teleported continues to increase. Left 
untouched, the number of teleported goats reaches astronomical proportions. Presumably, 
the maximum number of goats will be reached at some point and Chrome will be completely 
unusable.
Jan 13, 2010
#77 EmperorS...@gmail.com
Hold on, hold on...  Has anyone thought about the issues involved in teleporting
goats to non-US areas?  Customs fees aren't exactly cheap, and the possibility for
introducing new contaminators (read: bacteria) to such areas is huge.

Does anyone know if goats are considered "duty-free"?  If not, I may have to abstain
from usage, for fear of fines for inaccurate declarations of imported/exported goods.
Jan 13, 2010
#79 sar10...@gmail.com
This really gets my goat!
Jan 13, 2010
#80 iam...@gmail.com
I've heard a rumor that Google's renewed hard stance in China is primarily due to the 
fact that China will not allow certain types of goats to be teleported into China. If 
the Chinese government is unwilling to compromise on goat teleportation, Google may 
cease operations there.
Jan 13, 2010
#81 thegr...@gmail.com
My Goat!
Jan 13, 2010
#82 Viktor.W...@gmail.com
Ok now they've started clogging up my desktop!
goatsEVERYWHERE.JPG
103 KB   View   Download
Jan 13, 2010
#83 sevent...@gmail.com
This is obviously a big issue, goats are ending up in places they do not belong. I
woke up this morning to three goats in my room, eating up all my dirty clothes. While
it is quite convenient that I don't have to clean them anymore, this could quickly
get out of hand.

Is anyone at Google acknowledging this issue?
Jan 13, 2010
#84 thakis@chromium.org
re comment 83: We're aware of the problem, it's been acknowledged in comment 4 
already. We're feverishly working on a fix.
Jan 13, 2010
#85 sevent...@gmail.com
Great, thanks for checking it out. I found another goat a couple minutes ago in my dryer.
Jan 13, 2010
#86 Train...@gmail.com
Well I just tested this bug on a Win-XP Home SP2 machine. 

Problem: Noticed no Goats. 
Bigger Problem: Saw a large increase in CPU usage and then power consumption (break 
flipped and the power went out moments later). 

1) Is there any way to set a destination for the goats or is it random? 
2) I don’t mind high CPU usage but is there any way to lower the electricity usage? I 
don’t want a huge electric bill (or blown breaks/fuses for others) when using this 
feature. 

Side note: Is there any way we can specify the type of goat, some people are looking 
for a certain sub-species and with the high electricity usage may not want to try 
over and over to get the right one.

That is all,
Opi out.

Jan 13, 2010
#87 nadeemo...@gmail.com
I thought this was a joke till goats started getting into my room!!
Jan 13, 2010
#89 wm.horan@gmail.com
I just the other day got...an Internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the
morning on Friday. I got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these
goats going on the Internet commercially.

It's not a big goat truck. It's a series of tubes. And your goats are clogging up my
tubes so I can not get my internets on time.

I told my isp your goats were clogging my tubes and delaying my internets and they
said they wanted to charge google a premium goat fee for teleporting goats over their
tubes but due to net neutrality they can't.

Please stop clogging my internets tube and use a big truck instead.
Jan 13, 2010
#90 gguillo...@gmail.com
I believe goat teleportation isn't implemented in Windows for fear of issues with mold 
inherent in the APIs that could lead to deadly blue goat cheese, aka BCOD.
Jan 13, 2010
#91 bugdroid1@gmail.com
The following revision refers to this bug:
    http://src.chromium.org/viewvc/chrome?view=rev&revision=36154 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
r36154 | thakis@chromium.org | 2010-01-13 11:42:49 -0800 (Wed, 13 Jan 2010) | 6 lines
Changed paths:
   M http://src.chromium.org/viewvc/chrome/trunk/src/chrome/browser/task_manager.cc?r1=36154&r2=36153
   M http://src.chromium.org/viewvc/chrome/trunk/src/chrome/browser/task_manager.h?r1=36154&r2=36153

Be more frugal with goats in these challenging economic times.

BUG=31482
TEST=Use chrome for some time. Fewer goats should appear in bearontheroof's place.

Review URL: http://codereview.chromium.org/543045
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jan 13, 2010
#92 thakis@chromium.org
(No comment was entered for this change.)
Status: Fixed
Jan 13, 2010
#93 dotliz...@gmail.com
Has anyone else noticed the occasional camel coming through?
goats-and-camel.jpg
109 KB   View   Download
Jan 13, 2010
#94 soumen.d...@gmail.com
Cthulhu has stopped snoring. Stop the bleating. NOW.
Jan 14, 2010
#95 m.veldth...@gmail.com
What if a teleported goat is pregnant? Does that count as one or two goats teleported?
Jan 14, 2010
#96 dotliz...@gmail.com
What if a goat *becomes* pregnant whilst being teleported? According to some
religious mythology, I think that might be considered an immaculate conception, and
therefore ... hello aunty christ? 
Jan 14, 2010
#97 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 73...our attempts to oust these goats from our office is 
becoming problematic. Currently, they're all congregated by the coffee machine 
discussing what method should be used to elect a union representative. I tried to 
suggest a secret baa-llot, but they don't seem to have much of a sense of humour 
between them and now won't let me get a coffee.
And we still have more goats coming through - at this rate I estimate goats will 
outnumber employees sometime over the weekend.
Help !
Jan 14, 2010
#98 sandi...@gmail.com
You all are blind. That certainly is one goat transported forth and back again. Since
nobody of you have attached correct teleportation portal to your machine, no goat can
be received and materialized, but, in the case you attach correct portal, goat is
being sent again. Thus, huge goat teleportation ratings show better connection and
system speed.
Jan 15, 2010
#99 rfw...@gmail.com
wtf with all these goats? I don't even have chrome...
Jan 15, 2010
#100 i...@omnest.com
Caution! Goat is in fact Klingon raiding party in disguise. Do not use! I repeat, DO
NOT USE!
Jan 15, 2010
#101 iam...@gmail.com
Oddly enough, I only ended up with one goat. He started watching the MTZ and wanted to 
go to the Ragu Festival to go mosh pitting. I wasn't down with that, so I got out my 
hickory stick to shoo him away.
Jan 15, 2010
#102 nonobvi...@gmail.com
Actually it's not the number of goats - it's the size of one instance of an Enormous
Mutant Star Goat, measured in standard goat sizes.
Jan 16, 2010
#103 ultimate.evil
It's OK as long as goats are teleported in a purely functional manner
txGoat :: Goat -> Goat

The real problem is when Goat IO is taking place under the covers
txGoat :: Goat -> IO Goat
Jan 16, 2010
#104 JJ.Macal...@gmail.com
After looking at the code review (Comment 88/91), I can see that the teleportation 
rate has decreased, but don't you think the rate's still too fast or too much? I 
mean, I was under the impression that the teleporter consumes a lot of bandwidth, and 
~15 max goats-per-second is still something too much for goat-deprived places. (Or 
have I been reading the code wrong?) I still like the efforts, though. And since I'm 
not goat-deprived, I'll use the next build. 

Btw, my current Chrome version (an older 4.0 beta) doesn't show the teleportation 
rate, so I don't know how bad this issue is. (Or does the issue exist on just newer 
versions?)

Maybe that's the reason they don't use Chrome in the first place? I hear Firefox's 
teleporting cows instead of goats; not sure about that, though. (To my understanding, 
there's significantly more bloat and definitely a teleporter-resource hog, but 
there's no cow shortage anyway)
Jan 16, 2010
#105 thakis@chromium.org
JJ: On average, it's only 7.5 goats (possibly less if your system's random number 
generator has low entropy in its low bits).

To show the teleportation rate, you have to right-click the task manager and select the 
"goats teleported" column.

Our user testing shows that people on average greatly prefer teleporting goats over 
teleporting cows, and we feel that we've made the right call here.
Jan 16, 2010
#106 badpazzword@gmail.com
Besides, cows don't go together as well with a certain URL shortener.
Jan 16, 2010
#107 kevincantu
It is possible that the goat teleportation subsystems would be more efficient if they 
were re-written using "go"...
Jan 16, 2010
#108 bheers...@gmail.com
Does anyone know if this might presage a major platform shift away from <a 
href="http://www.google.com/technology/pigeonrank.html">PigeonRank</a>? If so, is 
there any data available on the performance capabilities of Goat Clusters? I'd be 
particularly interested in knowing whether or not these goats are vulnerable to brute 
head-butt attacks. Are they being hardened against grain-based attack vectors?


Jan 17, 2010
#109 tony.cur...@gmail.com
Why is google trying to muscle-in on Farmville's markets with this kind of
experimental feature? Another market it can't keep its hands off.
Jan 17, 2010
#110 jsilt...@gmail.com
Clearly this bug is simply an unfortunate side-effect of insufficient GNOME 
integration. If we used a properly engineered GEGL, goat teleportation would not be an 
issue in the first place.
Jan 18, 2010
#111 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 97.
Oh dear. Monday morning...Arrived at the office to discover that the goats have 
divided the office in half, with their area at the front of the building given over 
entirely to grazing.
An A4 piece of paper placed on each desk contained an official communiqué 
from "TROUGH" - "The Ruminants (Ovine) Union of Goat Herds", detailing their 
conditions for co-habitation.
We tried to get point 1 overturned, but as there are now five more of them than 
there are of us, we were outvoted - so the coffee machine stays in their area.
From what I can make out, at some point over the weekend enough new arrivals were 
teleported in for them to form an autonomous collective, elect a union rep - Toby, 
apply for grazing rights, and have all this ratified at their inaugural EGM - 
Extraordinay Goat Meeting.
I have a meeting with Toby in half an hour to air our grievances - Our cleaners have 
already refused point blank to enter the goat area.
And I need to do something about the coffee situation - I can't go all day without 
caffeine.

Suggestions from Google or anyone ?
I'll post back here after the meeting.
Jan 18, 2010
#112 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 111
Not good. Apparently, the goats have applied for their area to be granted an SSSI 
certificate (Site of Special Scientific Interest) - it seems there are several 
breeds of goats in the herd, some of whom are endangered. If it was up to me they'd 
all be endangered with a rapid rate of extinction - they're a belligerent lot when 
there in a group. 
By a bizarre quirk of the teleporter bug, Toby's great uncle on his parents' side 
got teleported in on Sunday from a mountain in Afghanistan. Oswald was as surprised 
as anyone to suddenly find himself in our office and as he hadn't been consulted 
prior to his teleportation we can't just have him escorted from the building. In any 
case, Toby lost no time in getting him union membership - and although his 
application is still pending, these things generally go through on the nod, so he 
already enjoys full membership rights. TROUGH (see 111) are trying to contact the 
herd back in Afghanistan to inform them of Oswald's whereabouts.
I did manage to get some sort of concession regarding the coffee machine - we can 
use it provided we remove our shoes and socks before entering the grazing area - 
apparently the covering of feet/hooves is offensive to all but the most liberal of 
goats. Unfortunately, if their SSSI application is successful, the whole grazing 
area will have to be left "au naturelle", which will make walking across it in bare 
feet a little, how shall i put it ?....squidgy.

Thanks to Google's fix, the incoming teleportation rate has been reduced to a 
trickle.
Jan 18, 2010
#113 roshan.c...@gmail.com
After reading the "Men Who Stare At Goats" by Jon Ronson I feel that Google may be 
taking part in a much wider conspiracy with the US Government. 

The rate of goat transportation would suggest, that there is a battalion of soldiers out 
there who have mastered the capability to kill goats just by staring at them. 

Though I'm mainly concerned with the implications of this. Since Google's business 
models is through advertising revenue, and their main niche is search technologies, 
are we going to see some sort of way to search for the transported goats and bid for 
advertising space on individual goats search results? 
Jan 18, 2010
#114 saladp...@gmail.com
Someone here left a browser open over the weekend and it appears (based on a
preliminary hoof count) that we had a minimum of four incoming goat collisions and
consequent telefraggings. 

The receptionists and vegetarians are refusing to enter the building. This issue is
*critical.*

Jan 18, 2010
#115 rajmelvi...@gmail.com
Has this been tested on sheep and other ruminants?
Jan 18, 2010
#116 sreejith...@gmail.com
Is it possible to display advertisement on each goat and get paid for?
Jan 19, 2010
#117 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 112.
Oswald has disappeared. Time of departure is still a little hazy, but probably 
sometime between yesterday evening and start of business this morning. Toby's doing 
his nut. Our MD got summoned to a crisis meeting with Toby this morning who has 
demanded that all Widget production be suspended until Oswald's found. The MD wants 
me to head up a joint goat/human search-coordination team. Political fall-out from 
this could be huge. Turns out, Oswald's some kind of goat diplomat and was due to be 
bleating at a conference in Afghanistan today. The fact that he was teleported here 
in the first place is embarrassing enough - that he's now missing has started all 
sorts of diplomatic rows and conspiracy theories. The Afghanistan embassy here has 
been on the phone demanding action. The ambassador has a surprisingly good grasp of 
the English vernacular, especially some of the shorter words available.

Toby's appointed a goat called Curly (apparently he has unusually straight horns for 
his breed) to act as my liaison with the goat members of the search-coordination 
team. He seems a bit more approachable than Toby, but I'm not letting my guard down 
too soon - Curly came second to Toby in the ballot so who knows what ambitions he 
might have ?

To add insult to injury, the goats have begun holding a community sing-song round 
the coffee machine on the stroke of every hour - although, they only ever manage the 
first line of "High on a hill stood a lonely goatherd" before collapsing into 
hysterical bleating. Must be some kind of in joke.

No new goats teleported here in the last 24 hours - thanks Google.
Jan 19, 2010
#118 dotliz...@gmail.com
ba..., i look forward to your daily updates, as they not only define the scope of the
problem, but also provide valuable insights into goat politics. Fascinating :)
Jan 20, 2010
#119 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 117.
Day 2 without Oswald. Widget production still on hold. Yesterday my search-
coordination team divided all goats and NonGoats (as we are annoyingly referred to) 
into ten teams with each team led by one of the five goats and five humans of the 
search-coordination team who report to me and Curly. Teams G2 to G5 are targetting 
the goat community, with NG2 to NG5 concentrating on everyone else. I wanted the 
human teams to be called H1 to H5 but Curly argued that goats would find that 
confusing as there's no equivalent to H in the goat alphabet. I'm not convinced, but 
at the moment finding Oswald is more important. The MD is insisting that groups G1 
and NG1 work together to present a unified cross-species initiative - I have serious 
doubts about this. I've already moved one of our NG1's to a different team after he 
shouted "alright, keep your bleating horns on !" at the entire G1 team.

We had our first goat birth today which was greeted by a rousing rendition of their 
adaptation of a Johnny Mathis hit - "When a Kid is born". Fairly predictable, I 
suppose. What was more of a shock was when they then sequed into "Don't let 'em say 
you ain't beautiful" by Eminem. They got a standing ovation from the entire nongoat 
side of the office at the end - you just had to admire the choreography - The 
inmates at Cebu prison have got nothing on this lot. And who'd have thought that 
goats can moonwalk !?

The search for Oswald continues.
Jan 20, 2010
#120 h...@mjr.org
#119 you need to write a book or something! Do you have a blog we can read?
Jan 20, 2010
#121 dotliz...@gmail.com
@#120 seriously, if @ba... doesn't blog, he or she totally should.  
Jan 20, 2010
#122 sevent...@gmail.com
Guys, as good of a writer as ba... is, he's got more important things to worry about
right now. Oswald needs to be found first.
Jan 20, 2010
#123 dotliz...@gmail.com
I'm worried. Checked harkcom.co.uk, which redirects to jeremyharkcom.com, site is
down. Hope the NonGoats are not in any danger. 
Jan 20, 2010
#124 waters.s...@gmail.com
One can avoid these goat issues entirely by inserting a bridge with a proprietary
troll into a network choke point, I continue to be amazed at how few people take
these basic precautions when connecting their systems to the Internet.
Jan 21, 2010
#125 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 119
An interesting development as a result of the joint G1/NG1 team's review of our CCTV 
security tapes. At 1:07am Tuesday morning, Oswald is seen exiting the building with 
Susan Haywood, our Press Officer. Talking of which, the local media have got wind of 
our goat situation now and Terry, from the Daily Grind, seems to have taken up 
permanent residence in the reception area on the ground floor - it can only be a 
matter of time before this thing goes national - the local TV station already have a 
van camped outside. Our MD went out to make a statement first thing this morning. 
Usual stuff - working closely with the goat community, doing all we can, hopeful of 
positive outcome. Then he headed straight for the drinks cabinet in his office and 
is refusing all calls. Every once in a while he comes over to the glass wall of his 
office which faces straight across the open-plan layout to my desk and he flashes me 
a questioning look of hope - to which I have to shrug my shoulders and shake my 
head - which ellicits another visit to the drinks cabinet.

Yesterday's impromptu dance routine has had a very positive affect on relations 
between the two sides of the office - although the quantity of air fresheners on the 
nongoat side is fast becoming a bone of contention for both factions. The mixture of 
dozens of synthetic "Pine", "Ocean Breeze", "Mountain Top" and "Lemony Fresh" is 
getting as overwhelming as the aroma from the perfume assistant at Boots.
After our "new kid on the block" had a sneezing fit yesterday, Toby has "requested" 
that we find one that suits everybody and stick to it - I didn't like to point out 
that "Farmyard Dungheap" doesn't appear to be part of the Magic Tree range.

The coffee machine has run out of sachets. Replacement stock is in the stationery 
room - guess which side of the office that's on ? I wonder if Toby is open to a 
little negotiating ?


Jan 22, 2010
#126 barryhar...@gmail.com
Follow-up to comment 125
Well, now the police are involved. Not surprisingly, Susan's husband is almost as 
concerned about her whereabouts as we are about Oswald's. They're checking phone 
records and credit card transactions, the lot. To the best of his knowledge, Susan's 
never been to Afghanistan, although he accompanied her to China last year as part of 
her degree course in Cultural Studies at Bournemouth Uni. Intriguing, since China's 
hardly more than a camel's trot from Afghanistan if you take the new toll road 
through the bottom end of Tajikistan. I hear the Rosht-Kala bypass is no better than 
it was though - they've been promising to widen it for years. I digress.

Widget production has started up again, partially. Our MD, in one of his more lucid 
moments this morning realised that most of the search for Oswald consists of the 
NonGoat teams Googling all day. Unless Oswald and Susan have started blogging from 
some unknown location, this is unlikely to produce many leads. So with Toby's 
agreement we've disbanded all the teams except my search-coordination team; no 
objections from Toby at all as most of his goats were spending all their time 
playing Farmville. So the search team now consists of myself and Curly, two goats 
(Donald and Clarissa) and two nongoats (David and Stacey). Clarissa's typing skills 
be invaluable.

My desk now seems to be the focal point for anything not directly related to widget 
production, so for starters I'm going to put in a requisition request for some new 
drawers, a whiteboard and my own coffee machine. Office furniture and fittings can't 
come out of my budget so I need the MD's signature. If I time it right this 
afternoon, he'll be too inebriated to know what he's signing.


(p.s. I can confirm that the website has indeed been hacked, as you will see - no 
nongoat casualties as yet - just a few red faces)
Jan 22, 2010
#128 barryhar...@gmail.com
thegoatdiaries.com
Jan 23, 2010
#129 timgoods...@gmail.com
When you get this bug worked out, can someone teleport a dozen to my back yard.  I
have some blackberry thickets that need thinning out.
Jan 25, 2010
#130 dogzi...@gmail.com
I wonder if some of the performance issues mentioned here can be resolved by
off-loading goat teleportation to the GPU...
Jan 25, 2010
#131 bigpresh@gmail.com
#130, offloading goat teleportation to the GPU (Goat Processing Unit) would probably
help with performance, but I think some of the people experiencing issues are having
trouble not so much with performance but the sheer quantity of goats involved.

Making the goat teleportation process quicker and more efficient could make life even
harder for those poor souls - for instance, "ba...."'s office would likely be
completely over-run, and the Non-Goats evicted entirely from the building.
Jan 25, 2010
#132 lichfo...@gmail.com
This looks Shopped. I can tell from some of the pixels and from seeing quite a few Shops in my time.
Jan 25, 2010
#133 dotliz...@gmail.com
Tell that to http://thegoatdiaries.com with all those goats in his office! 
Jan 26, 2010
#134 bigpresh@gmail.com
No way, that's a legitimate screenshot - with all the people experiencing the
problem, it's clear that somebody set us up the goats.
Jan 26, 2010
#135 josemari...@gmail.com
Dear all:

I have followed the whole thread and aplied every single fix and workaround, yet 
after several attempts to teleport my goats, i end up with only a ton of goat dung, 
and no goats to be found anywhere in my realm. The losses are driving the company 
stock down.

my boss is pulling his herd in dismay.

This has goat to stop, or we will goat bust.

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Jan 26, 2010
#136 josemari...@gmail.com
Disregard the previous thread we have found the bug in our system.

When teletransporting goats, you have to disable the Goatzilla feature of the 
teletransport module used by Chrome, or the goats will be rapidly devoured, hence 
the loss. 

We found our goats after forcing a core dump to our networked Goatzilla folder. Boy, 
were they happy to see us.

Thanks to all.

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Feb 14, 2010
#137 malachit...@gmail.com
Is every one dead? Over run by the goats? To survive you must do as I did: Turn the
goats in to your personal army and conquer the nearest large space of grass.
Mar 14, 2010
#138 strredw...@gmail.com
I hear that the new "Goat Teleportation Containment System" extension is now
teleporting goats between clients and holding them in a special buffer on-system
before teleporting them again.  Since the variance between these goats is small at
best, the memory usage is minimal.  As an added effect, goats are disappearing from
offices!
Apr 7, 2010
#139 ken....@gmail.com
Does anyone know the conversion factor from Goats Teleported to BogoMIPS?
May 7, 2010
#140 fortyseven
I've been toggling on and off goat acceleration in the control panel and it doesn't 
seem to be doing anything. :(
May 7, 2010
#141 iam...@gmail.com
Aaahhh... that explains why I've had goats appearing and disappearing from my office 
all day long!

Jun 7, 2010
#142 dream.ke...@gmail.com
Can anybody make a plugin for Firefox?
Jun 27, 2010
#143 ivebeenl...@gmail.com
For those of you running Linux and having problems with the number of goats, please consider routing your teleportation socket to /dev/null
Jun 29, 2010
#144 shand...@gmail.com
Pokey the Penguin encountered this bug last week:
http://yellow5.com/pokey/archive/index509.html
Jul 9, 2010
#145 thakis@chromium.org
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Owner: tha...@chromium.org
Aug 12, 2010
#146 vierzigu...@gmail.com
In the current dev build (6.0.472.25) on linux the number of teleported goats is NOT monotone!

Maybe it displays the number of goats/second - if so, the number is way to high again. (sometimes over 200!) also the label would be wrong then.
Aug 13, 2010
#147 ronaldby...@gmail.com
I have a herd of Lamancha and Oberhasli goats, however last week I switched from Firefox 3.6 to 5.0.375.125 (53311) on Ubuntu 10.04 and I have a disturbing problem.  All of a sudden 85% of my Oberhaslis have disappeared!  Also, I now have a half dozen Nubians in my herd for no apparent reason.  I noticed some extreme activity on my Hotmail tab's "Goats Teleported" task, and think that might be to blame.  Does the Chromium team have something against Hotmail that I'm not aware of, or perhaps Oberhasli goats?

I mean, I miss my beautiful goats, and these Nubians are so stubborn and mean, I want them teleported back to their owner!  I tried creating a liamtoh.com tab to reverse the teleportation process but to no avail.

Is there an undocumented API I can use to adjust my teleportation rate and direction of travel?  Please?  I miss my goats and there's a show I wanted to take my prize Mr. Winkles to next month!
Aug 17, 2010
#148 dart...@googlemail.com
I have trouble specifying the amount of goats on a meta-level - any advice would be welcome
Oct 1, 2010
#149 mats.ahl...@gmail.com
In the interest of usability, please add a command-line flag --disable-goat-teleporter
(Goats add unnecessary UI bloat due to release of methane.)
Oct 15, 2010
#150 khansalm...@gmail.com
Is it possible to initiate a DoG (De Nile of Goat) of DDoG (Distributed De Nile of Goat) attack. 

Btw, where or what would be considered De Nile of Goat, and how painful would a DDoG be for the Goat?
Nov 10, 2010
#151 fatman...@gmail.com
@comment147

So these are your Oberhaslis! I've been teleporting Toggenburgs and suddenly your orange impostors turn up. I thought maybe a bugfix had caused this.

Now I just need to work out where my Toggenburgs have been going. Should I open a new goat report or continue in this one?

Dec 3, 2010
#154 eggnog...@gmail.com
So this is where all my goats went.

This is a very serious issue. Chrome 8.0.552.210 beta is misreporting the number of goats teleported. It appears that Chrome is not giving a overall total of goats teleported, but instead, is showing the number of goats teleported the previous second.

This bug has now gotten a lot worse now that people are no longer able to see how many goats were sent through their teleporter. This bug also explains my teleporter's reported energy usage.

Has Google released the Goat Wave Pool API yet? And if not, when can we expect that to be released?

Responding to comment 150:
A DDoG attack would be considered animal cruelty. The goats would have approximately 25% chance of living and a 175% chance of dying.
Feb 23, 2011
#155 codeandc...@gmail.com
This is not a bug ... Google requires the goat-matter transfer to be kept at a tilliongoatfly per second level in order to power the search engine. Please be considerate and keep a goat in your house - you never know when it might come in handy O_o
Jul 12, 2011
#156 nate.ric...@gmail.com
they're teleporting everywhere, and climbing things:

http://goatclimb.com
Sep 28, 2011
#157 dul...@gmail.com
Burp!... (My Snow Leopard is quite contented with his endless supply of free goats).

Oct 13, 2012
#158 bugdro...@chromium.org
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